its 28th july 2011
jus 5 days aftr tarru's bday...tarru u knw na.....hmmm
dat day i realised dat smwht m nt meant to b wid her....coz....m a guy.....it does seems to b d reason....all of her frnds....do take dis thng much seriously....a guy na gal....
it appeared dat d persons sincerity n luv for dat relation doesnt matter....nyways.....
WOT I CN DO NOW?????
is it hurting....?? i dun knw....ya a little bit per sure.......
wot it is?? u knw wot.....ab darr lagra h.....wot i want....he he....jus gimme a little bit of luv....care......bus itna hi...n m all urs...den play wid me...hurt me...or evn u cn kill me for fun.....m all urs....
m writing today bcoz....smthng is paining inside......
aftr tarru's bday i had to give it a thaught.....dat do i matter for ny1....does my smile ....my tears matter.....smhow.....
wot i want....i want to see evry1 so happy happy.....n some special ones ...really happy......but when i came to realise....dat dere r 2 situations.....when sm1z special to u....n when u r special to sm1.....d first one......i do treat evry1 being special for me......dunno from i get so much.....time...space...for evry1.....or is it m d only one..whoz foolish...damn moron......smtimes it feels dat i m......
but wait wot abot d 2nd conditon......me being special for sm1?????????????????????
woopsi...here comes d twist......
i was...for anu.......divz.......gudiyaa.......but really was i??? coz if i wld have been....den ......i wldnt have b writing here......he he....
TARRU?????
people say dat if sm1 means a lods to u...den dun shw......but is it possible.....m nt shwing....
i feels like.....dat m forcefully in her life....if m nt dere shez havin so gud frnds.....n so gud evry1....dat shez wont b missin......as if she dun shw dat she cares a lods for me...n i do matter for her.....but smtimes v do need to tel dat person dat ur special.....but.............
on 24th dats when i wrote my last blog......i evr wont b able to forgive myslf.....for her tears....may b if i wldnt have been dere den she wld have had a really gud b'day.....wid jus her friends..........
well tarru....mah swt swt sis.....u knw wot......she wants to b a guy......luvs bullet...hehe.....n guess wot...shez a travelling freak....luvs to hang out n chill wid frnds.....shez so adorable......but cn ny1 b so close in jus 1 yr...oh nt in 1 yr...jus in 3-4 mnths....he he.....no1 normally...but m d wrng person to b....
abi shez dun have ny guy in her life....but when she'll have sm1....den wot...will shez b dere like now..infct now...its her grp not me.....well..u cnt force ny1....n i also cant...but wot if dat person has bcme so special for u....dat ech of her decisions...whether or whether not relatd to u...does mater for u.....its not possible na....but ya ..its me...n its my fault....i do expct....n it does hurt.....
den wot to choose...b silent...n make dat person smile...till u cn....n when it seems dat u r responsible ofr her tears.....den ......go away...widout hurting....but its nt possible for me...i cnt....dats why m writign it here......
yup m afraid....m afraid of loosing u.....i need u bit of ur luv...care......derez nt evn a second...when i cn dare to stop thinkin for u...to make u happy smhow.....but evntually i ended up smwhere else....my fault i knw.....but......
haan yaara dukhta h.....par kahu kaise.....if i feels dat sm1z really special for me....to m use bol deta hu...dat u mean a lods for me.......kya kuch bura kiya kya.....kisi ka dil dukhaya kya......nhi na.....fer......
thoda pyar hi to chahta hu.....but maangu kaise....tu ni samjhe to kaun samjhe re....kaun....
lag raha h kuch apna sa.......ankaha h....na jaane kahan khoya.....
jahan ki bheed me gum sa lagta h.....par fir b mera sapna sa......lag raha h kuch apna sa.......
kya ye meri ummed h...jo muje todti jaati h......
har taraf tanhayi hoti h......tu pass ho to b......
har taraf ruswayi hoti h....koi khaas ho to b.....
sab kuch to chod chuka hu......har ehsaas to m tod chuka hu....
par fir b na jaane kyun.....tere liye ek bharosa h.....kch apnapan sa h.....
par fir lagta h k chand lamho sa roshan tha jahan mera.......
fir se...haan fir se...koi roshani si saath chodti ja rahi h.....
haan shayd ye meri tujse ummed hi......muje todti ja rahi h ......
tarru.....its my wish to u...."" please unki tarah bhulna mat re...""
m ye ni bolta k b wid me.....care for m...make me special....but sachi m......bhulna mat.....aaj bht darr lagra h..bht jyada.....waise to aadat ho gyi h muje...but plz.....kbi bol nhi paunga shyd....neithr i'll b able to explain wot u mean for me......but m hasta hu....tuje yaad karke..i do smile........
n maafi jo sab nhi bolta uske liye.....i cnt face ur tears....
kya kya likhta hu na....chalta h sab mere liye....... :) :) :)
